elizabethtown60B

"Have you ever wished you could rewind? And pick up all the pieces of a life you left behind Have you ever lived on borrowed time? Knowing your mistakes are chasing you down from behind" Dean Lewis - Don't hold me It's hard to understand how your whole life can change by one short phone call. How everything you've been working on for years can collapse like a house of cards in one brief moment. On January 7, 2020, my brother called me and told me that my mother died. I can still feel the shock of that moment like it happened yesterday. I can still recall every single second of that day. I still feel the shock, the tears, how my hands were shaking when I put in the coins to buy the ticket to drive to my brother, the fear I felt when I called her husband, the fear of meeting my grandma that evening, the fear they would hate me. They should have hated me. They didn’t, but they should have. I broke up the contact to her years ago. "For good reasons" I thought. I always believed

Life is strange but somehow wonderful. All this complexity in simplicity. The last months have been unbelievable. Intense, emotional but wonderful. There wasn't that big moment that changed everything. But there was this movement that created slowly a whole new world. I was on a workshop a few months ago. It wasn't about my real problem and it wasn't the big life changer. But it gave me new impulses, new information, new sources. Then I read the right books at the right time and found my own ritual. It's a short and calming yoga sequence, followed by meditation and my own interpretation of an Hawaiian ritual of forgiveness combined with

All I ever wanted was to be "normal". But some things don't work out like they should. Once I thought I could reach my goal, but the doubts grow steadily in the last years. Now there's a change in my diagnoses that proofs that I will never be anything near normal. It's incurable. You can try to improve some abilities to relieve the symptoms. I was already hopeless but now it's unbearable. It's impossible to go on under these circumstances. There's no point. I have the feeling I must quit my job because it feels like I would betray them, by having a disease which could affect my work and they don't know it. And I am so an